Light through the cloud

I had a really tiring last night got back home around 10pm and dozed off to sleep without taking shower, how disgusting but i make sure i took off everything before bed.

To be honest despite getting emotional and all, i had a good yesterday. I tried to commit myself blogging everyday even though i don't care if nobody is going to read it. This thing is for me. Since i don't like to call or speak out loud, written words are fine.

my nephew called me the night before and he said do you know i counted the days when you going to come back to see me again. He said 139 days. i have no idea why he said that. His brother was besides him while he skype me. They were so excited and making all different kind of sound and tune. They both trying really hard to show how excited that i answer their skype and talk to them. I kind of feel guilty because i did not do it so often. we have similar inner voice, signals only we can tell.

i feel better today.  I understand i work better alone, but today the leader said good teamwork. So, i am happy. it was awful for the past week because i was struggling to understand how to mesh with them. i have absolutely no idea how to. Big scale companies with loads and tonnes of polices and procedures do put me off, not just that, the way they move and talk to each other, small talks or gossips.  I am not prepared for such environment. Mostly they speak about their personal lives and if they have acquaintances or encounters. I have no idea what is going on in my mind. maybe the wire just disconnected and trying to find the right plug. when i wake up the next day, i hunt for caffeine, eat like an animal.

To be honest, intercourse activities were never my expertise, with all my previous relationship i believe and knowing myself  did not reach the optimal experiences but enjoy watching or assisting them to satisfy themselves during my presence. Emotionally and physically my ex-es are happy. Maybe someday or the day i am ready, the higher presence will enable the One deliver mutual satisfaction to our optimal experiences. I would be able to reach greater understanding in human form instead of watching through the screen or seeing animals mating. I believe that is true happiness when couple reach mutual understanding emotionally and physically.

May the light shine through the Cloud.